I was a very young girl when I was told I may never have children. 12 years old to be exact. After falling off my bike, I was doubled over in pain, and rushed to the hospital. Later, my doctor would explain how I had about a 50/50 chance of ever becoming a mother, since I had experienced pretty traumatic "female issues" and almost died on the surgery table. Six years later, and then again at 20 years old, I would go on to experience similar problems, which led to only having 1/8 of an ovary left, and a tremendous amount of scar tissue. My doctors told me that I would never bare any children of my own. It was a concept I had been preparing for since my first surgery, and now it was confirmed. It was time to make a plan B for my life.
I had already started shifting my thoughts as a young girl. I would focus on a life of "just me" and hopefully a man who didn't want children...unless we adopted. So, I spent my 20's traveling the world, while working for an airline, and chasing arrogant men who were a challenge.
I spent my 30's making the most money I had ever made. Spending it faster than I made it. Falling in love. Over and over. While breaking a few hearts in between. I lived for me. I was irresponsible and reckless with my decisions. I was not walking in my faith, or any faith for that matter. I barely had faith...
In July of 2006, I met a man. Ironically, I also found the most solid relationship of my life. Not with my new boyfriend. Oh no, that one was a rollercoaster from the start. What I'm talking about is an unconditional love, something I had never experienced before. It offers an open communication policy, redemption, grace, hope, love, and a stronger inner strength, which comes from the keeper of my soul: God! My father. My rock. My friend. He showed me how He could meet all of my hearts desires. That I was enough. And that with faith, anything is possible. Above all, I learned I can do "all things, through Christ who gave me strength.” Phil 4:13. I quickly learned that religion divides, but a personal relationship is all He truly really wants from us.
Now here is the funny part. In November of that year, I met with my pastor to discuss "abstinence" even though my boyfriend and I had already been intimate for quite a while.
Well, Christmas Day of 2006 came around, and while "popping popcorn" we didn't exactly abstain.
I remember the weekend, the day, and the details like it was yesterday. I had a glow, he noticed. My curves were a bit more full, he noticed. I said it must be my tan. I was sure it must be my new bra, or possible water retention. I figured it was the wine I had consumed, that made me feel so exhausted that I practically slept through Gasparilla "party" weekend. My boyfriend was a father already. He saw the signs. I really thought I was just tired. Really. Really tired. He suggested I might be pregnant a few times, and I dismissed him with an impossible laugh. Finally, if was on that Sunday evening, when I went to Walgreens, (just to shut him up) and I grabbed a test. I was "positive" I was wasting $15. As you can imagine, my mouth literally dropped. I gasped. I screamed. We rushed to the hospital, because I was certain it would be a tubal pregnancy. After four hours in the ER, they assured me "everything was fine." Not really believing that my barely equipped body can make and carry a healthy baby, I scheduled two more doctors appointments with MY doctors. Two more sonograms later, and I was pronounced a healthy pregnant soon-to-be mother, with a fetus sitting exactly where she was created to be.
All I can say is: I know that God healed and restored my body. And although I ultimately found myself becoming a single mother for about 6 long years, in the most "unfairy-tale" way....it was all worth it. The embarrassment. The struggle. The hurt. The pain. The invisible Scarlet Letter, that I felt was engraved on my forehead.
Becoming Shaelyn Faith's mother has been the greatest gift from God that I had ever received. He filled a few voids that I didn't even know existed until my first miracle was born.
My heart. My soul. My life. Forever changed by God's faithfulness. She is my funny valentine. My creative actress. My avid reader. My song writer. My friendly extrovert. My animal lover. My doll collector. My doll. The calm to my storm. The snuggle to my side. My everything.
I have no doubt that He has BIG plans for the kindest, sweetest child I had ever met. You may think I'm biased, but I would question if you have had a chance to meet her?
Shaelyn Faith sparkles when she smiles. She radiates love. She has an inner peace that is easily shared. And...she has been fascinated by bibles and stories of the Lord ever since she was a baby. And that my friends, is pretty rare. And to me? Very awesome!